My darling Katie, you are my guiding light, my beacon of happiness, you brighten my otherwise dark days. Without you I'd aimlessly wander the dog food aisles, not knowing the difference between raw hide and freeze dried duck. But you sniff out the premium pricey treats so your mommy has to forgo the pretty designer shoes in the Nordstroms window, you know the ones in leopard print with red accents...I digress, because keeping your belly filled with organic free range duck and venison meatballs is more important.
I'm sorry for being so insensitive to your need for constant love and affection by making you share my attention with the furball with the big tail who enjoys swishing it around your pretty little nose as if to mock you, taunting you and your sweet tiny furry nubbin, erm, I mean tail, I so love to watch wiggle. I'm not laughing at you my precious babygirl, I'm filled with joy and when I sing, "Wiggle it, just a little bit" it's the joy speaking.
And I promise that one day, your bed will entice you more than the furball's bed. There's no need to sleep on it, roll on it, lick it - let's stop there and not try and mark it, ok? I'll get you a better bed, one filled with the finest down and made of imported silk spun by thousands of silkworms, sewn together with gold thread by angels wearing tutus...because you deserve only the finest things.
But whatever you do my sweet darling baby girl, just leave the duck alone now. It's been punished plenty and now must rest away from those sharp teeth and little paws. The furball and I promise to be our best behavior in an effort to avoid displeasing our Princess Corgy with the wiggly butt.
My, don't your ears look especially lovely today.